Thursday, October 13, 2011

America Don't Worry - By Barack Obama (Fan Fiction)

My fellow Americans, I'm coming to you today because I know many of you are hurting.  The global economy is continuing to slow and it is having a noticeable effect in your lives.  Jobs are hard to come by.  The thought of owning a home seems like an impossibility for young people.  The wealth gap is growing and you're not happy about it.

America, don't worry. I have a plan.

First, as you know, I'm putting forth a jobs plan that will cut taxes for working Americans and small businesses, put people to work rebuilding roads, bridges and schools, help towns keep their teachers, firefighters and police officers, and extend benefits to the long-term unemployed.

My jobs plan will give a much needed boost to the economy... if it passes.  But it will not. Congress is more divided than ever and due to politics-as-usual, Republicans can't afford to let me have any victories.

America, don't worry. The failure of the American Jobs Act is part of my plan.

What I'm going to do is continue to push for the jobs bill in the face of certain defeat. I will then campaign against Republicans as the do-nothing party.

It will be a close election, but I will probably win. I'm well liked, I'm good at campaigning, and I have a pretty good point that Republicans are obstructionists with no real plan of their own.

With that said, there's a chance I may lose.

America, don't worry. Win or lose, this is all part of my plan.

In my second term (or my opponent's first term), I (or they) will fight to push through small pieces of legislation that will benefit the economy. These pieces of legislation, while beneficial, will not be enough.

America, don't worry. Eventually the economy will, for one reason or another, start heading in a positive direction again.

But don't be mistaken.  This economic recovery is not permanent.  It is only a matter of time before the economy goes through another down-turn. And then we get to do the same thing all over again.

Now I understand this sort of plan is what thousands of you who are "occupying" cities around the nation are expressing frustration with.

To you I say this:

I understand your frustration. I came to office hoping for change, and I've done the best I can. Unfortunately I'm finding that creating change from Washington is a slow frustrating grind and the best I can do is admittedly not enough.

America, that should worry you.

So I challenge you:

If you want change, you're going to have to do it yourselves.

Look around you, look at what you truly need to live, and you'll find that the power the 1% holds is almost entirely imaginary.

Take control of your destiny. Don't wait for Washington to act.

You are the 99%, prove it.